God knows us more than we know ourselves. He loves us more than anyone. I wish I could allow myself to feel the same. Sometimes life doesn’t go the way we want, but then, you suddenly see a glimpse of His plan. Perhaps not everything will make sense, but at least you see a better understanding.
My career distracts me from understanding my purpose. Being a teacher has been my goal forever. I teach in different ways, but I want a permanent position. For some reason, it seems as if God doesn’t want me to be hired permanently. Or, for whatever reason, it’s not meant to be right now. I know it hurts, however, I need to count my blessings. I also need to remember that a career is important, but being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend is not replaceable like a career.
God knows what He is doing
Today my ten-year-old son did something that most people fear. He gave a speech at the end of Mass to speak about the importance of Catholic school. I helped him write and practice it plus encouraged courage all of his life. Jason finds God important.He is the one who spoke, but I could witness him presenting. I watch my children altar serve. Laura teaches 4th-grade religion basically by herself. They accomplished so many amazing things. Both of them perform in plays and many activities. They help and kind to others. I own a front-row ticket to their life.
I don’t know why I’m caught up in what I can’t help or have. For the last 3 months, I’ve been helping out in the life skills class. Basically, it’s been amazing, but this is my last week since they hired someone else to start next Monday permanently. My mind tries to keep me up wondering and searching for what I’m doing wrong. I’m sure my vocal cord paralysis has not helped. I will probably always try to figure out what I can do better, but I need to remember that I still have a job despite severe cerebral palsy and a whisper of a voice. In March, I have vocal cord paralysis surgery and I really am hoping it works! Having a voice will help me so much.
I am trying to remember to keep the positives and Jesus loves me. A higher plan is preset as long as I do not fight it and keep positive. Priorities as well – my children, husband, parents, sister, brother, friends! In the end, how we love and care for others plus respect God are what matters.
