Coping as a mother with a disability brings an unique dimension to motherhood. Let’s face the facts – being a good, responsible, loving mother takes energy and time. Mothers rarely have a practice session or any training in knowing how raise your child. Parents learn as they go and use mistakes as wisdom. Add in a disability, and they have enough experience to have even more wisdom.
Every disability is different especially when it comes to what we can and cannot do for our children. People with disabilities have built coping mechanisms to help conquer challenges. As anyone with a disability has learned, being open to learn how to adapt, change and create new ways of doing tasks are an everyday challenge.
For example, if someone can’t hold a baby and rock them to sleep? OK, have they tried a bouncy seat that vibrates? I absolutely could not live without bouncy seats for both of my babies. Because of spasms, I couldn’t hold small babies, but I would have someone sit them in their bouncy seat and I’d get very close. Talking to them, kiss them and make eye contact built our relationship.
Being a mother with a disability also means using your strengths. The mother’s strengths make weaknesses fade. I’m organized and try to foresee any problems or needs my children might have. I also have a vivid imagination so if I can’t steer a toy train around my son’s wooden track or jump rope with my daughter-But I can create a story as they play and be completely present as they play. Listening and being present is some things that I can do. listen. Guiding them and enriching minds, dreams and aspirations are all things in my abilities.
A child who has a parent with a disability is still a child. My children are beautiful, intelligent, and awesome. But, they are people as the rest of us and need guidance. Yes, they probably know the importance of accessibility. They frown by access issues. Both of them know about wheelchair repair more than the average person. However, my cerebral palsy doesn’t consume their life and activities.
My children live as they would regardless of my disability. They might have a broader understanding of differences, more responsible for their belongings because they know I won’t pick it up, and be more helpful. They also have typical tantrums, get angry with me over normal things, argue with each other, and do all the normal kid things regardless of my capabilities.
Coping as a mother with a disability isn’t too different than any other mother. At the end of the day, we worry if we loved them enough, spent time enough, and listened enough. But what I can’t do as a mother will only push me to succeed in what I can do. At the end of the day, my children hug, kiss me and can’t wait to spend another day together so I guess I’m doing a pretty good job.
