Friendship isn’t easy when you have a disability. For some, sure, friendships are easy. However, many I talk to have difficulty. I believe it’s because people who have disabilities can’t just take off or go places quickly, or people think it’s a more complicated ordeal than it is. Nevertheless, I cherish the genuine friendships that I do have.
Today I remember my childhood into my teen years best friend. I remember her today because it would have been her birthday. Sadly, she died several years ago, but she’s always on my mind. We were both six years old and in a physically handicapped classroom. Inclusion wasn’t a thing in the early 80s, and public schools should tolerate us.
I was a new student but excited to be in school. At our recess, most of the kids could get out of their wheelchairs to play. I remember I asked Tanya if I could play house with her, and to my shock, she pushed me over. Not a great start for a friendship; however, in time, we grew to be friends. We enjoyed playing secretary with the telephone, and her imaginary name was Susan. I am trying to remember if I had one. We played house with the other students and laughed at everything.
Since Tanya’s disability allowed her to use her upper body without a problem, she was fortunate enough to be placed in a “regular ” classroom way before me. I felt happy for her, but we no longer saw each other at school. Thankfully our friendship continued by way of phone calls. We called each other every day and talked a lot! But, of course, our favorite topic always was boys! We both wanted to be teachers and happily married.
Tanya and I went to the same summer camp. Variety club camp was a three-week sleep-away camp for primary children with physical disabilities. Being away from the family for three weeks was challenging, but we learned to enjoy it and often were in the same cabin. We were also in the same dance group for dancers in wheelchairs.
I had Tanya sleepover at our house often. We stayed awake nearly all night laughing about everything. For a short period in high school, we dated guys that were best friends.
We had our ups and downs, like any friendship. Misunderstandings happen. Our friendship grew apart when I went to college 6 hours away. After graduation, we became friends again, even after we both married. Ironically, both of our first husband’s died unexpectedly. We grew in that bond, but since I had a 6-month-old baby, I wasn’t available for long phone calls as I used to be. Tanya abruptly ended our friendship because of the lack of communication.
I never stopped thinking about her, though. I’m happy to say that, like me, she remarried and was delighted. However, my heart stopped for a minute when my dad sent me an obituary that Tanya’s father had died. In the obituary, it mentioned that Tanya preceded him in death. I had no idea that she died on Jason’s birthday in 2019. My heart broke. However, I was so happy that Tanya’s husband and I connected through Facebook, and I learned how happy her life was. Unfortunately, her life ended way too soon.
I would do anything to have one of our long conversations and laugh sessions. Luckily, I have faith that we will see each other again. She is keeping an eye on everything here as well. I have learned to cherish good friendships and great conversations and never take anyone for granted.
