Relationships with or without a disability can be challenging

I know February is often associated with love because of St. Valentine’s Day and relationships. St. Valentine’s Day has evolved for me through each year. I’m at the point where the holiday is just getting better! I’m often asked relationship advice and how I met my husband. No, I’m not a relationship expert, but I do like to try to help others.

I’m not complaining about my life because I am thankful for everything I have. Although I need to be real with my cerebral palsy.  It isn’t always a walk in the park.  My wheelchair, my involuntary movements and my speech are the first things people notice.  Making friends is hard enough, but finding a romantic relationship is even harder.  I used to think that no one would ever love me for who I am because they couldn’t overlook my physical disabilities. I dreaded being alone forever because of something I couldn’t control.

All good things come in time

It took a lot of time, love and pain to truly understand romantic relationships.  Even though I’m married now, I know that being alone is so much happier than being with the wrong person.  I have been in toxic relationships before now. A partner that is abusive in anyway isn’t worth your precious time. When you have a disability, staying in the wrong relationship seems best. But, trust me, it’s never easy to be abused. You deserve better.

I remember loving St. Valentine’s Day as an elementary school student. Inclusion wasn’t very popular yet so I was in a class with other kids with disabilities. I loved filling out all the little cards for school and reading each one carefully at home.  Unfortunately, after being included in fifth grade, I never received a candy gram and was pretty much looked over for Valentine’s Day.

Right before my seventeenth birthday, I met my high school boyfriend. We met through online bulletin boards and discovered that we lived fairly close to each other. I always told guys that I have cerebral palsy prior to meeting them.  Our relationship went pretty well, but I noticed he did have some issues introducing me to people and co workers. Unfortunately, the relationship ended, but it was definitely a learning experience.

Let’s Be Honest About Relationships

What has worked for me in my marriage is being real and honest to my husband. The more I try to be someone else, the more unhappy I would become. Cerebral palsy will always be there in your life. Find someone or let them find you who will accept this fact.  After they accept cerebral palsy, the rest is like any other relationship- some good parts and some bad parts.  But, don’t just stay with someone simply because they accept cerebral palsy.  Plenty of people exist that will accept cerebral palsy and be a decent partner to the complete person.

This past St. Valentine’s Day went pretty sweet.  In the morning, I gave my children some small gifts. They had off from school so that made it easier.  My mom picked them up for a few night sleepover. I went to work and later, my husband picked me up and handed me a box.  Then he just drove as we talked. He took me to my favorite hamburger place and I opened my gift.  He got me a beautiful tennis bracelet which will last me accidentally beating it up due to spasms. It  was simple, sweet and just right.

This article was originally published on cerebral palsy news today February 2019 by Jessica Grono