When I tell people about my life, I can’t even believe the words coming out of my mouth. I don’t understand why I have been given so many struggles. I’m not one to have self-pity but sometimes life is mind-blowing difficult and you can’t help but wonder why.
If you feel the same way at times, please know you are not alone. I know that I’m not alone even when I feel the most alone. Jesus and all of the Saints are right here. I reached out to friends and family who I knew would help and just listened. I allowed people to come over to just sit, clean, cook or eat. I am allowing myself to feel my emotions. I let people help me. By doing this, I feel the presence of Jesus.
Cerebral palsy is hard. Suicide loss is heart breaking. Breast cancer and a mastectomy was difficult. Vocal cord paralysis was ridiculous. Separation was a hard learning curve. Not understanding the journey of parenting right now is excruciating. Still, I am here – trying, loving and not giving up.
I felt terrified when I had a 6-month baby and was alone due to sudden death. I did my best to raise her, educate her, and love her. When I had cancer, I felt fearful leaving my children behind. When I couldn’t speak, I was scared to lose yet another ability that cerebral palsy didn’t already take away. I was scared to be alone in marriage to learn a path back to each other. I will figure this out too.
I will continue to love endlessly, fight courageously, pray deeply and try to do better tomorrow. We are never alone. We have each other and we have Jesus. Reach out to others, contact anyone, and pray. Praying for each other and yourself will help us in each aspect.
Pray this Surrender prayer and give it to God. Say it daily and multiple times.
Jesus, I trust in You. Please take care of everything. Amen.
